Bulldog and the scissors H&S module

 

 

The week before, a member of staff was undoing a box of printing paper, using a pair of scissors to cut the plastic ribbon holding the box lid on. This member of staff, not the sharpest tool in the box, managed to get the scissors gashed along his wrist, slashing his main arteries and spilling several pints of his blood all over the picking-isle. Not only did this cause a health and safety hazard for those picking orders, but caused crises in head quarters later that day. Fortunately, the member of staff survived to tell the tale to the health and safety expert who was despatched to our little branch.

 

“Bulldog is on his way!”

 

Bulldog is what he was called, but that wasn’t his name. In fact, he didn’t like being called Bulldog.  But, on a training course twenty years earlier co-attendee called him it during a disagreement, and it stuck. When Bulldog assembled the staff in the yard, the Manager forgot his name and introduced him as Bulldog, and quickly departed. Bulldog did, in fact, resemble a bulldog; short, stocky, with a wrinkled, grumpy face, that chewed on nothing in particular.

 

“Good morning people,” Bulldog announced, clapping his hands for the unenthused dozen, considered the most urgently requiring training for the use of scissors, unsupervised.

 

“Yeah!” came a grumbled response of enthusiasm between the mumbled replies. There was one load “Yes!” overheard by all, coming from Sandra, exaggerated to gain attention from Steve. But Steve was looking at James, noticing James hadn’t bothered wiping the bogy from his nose. James didn’t notice this, as he was busy casting a shifty eye over to Katy, wondering if he’d ever have the nerve to ask her out. Unaware of the unrequited attention, Katy was more interested in the attention of Paul, because, although she didn’t feel attracted to him, she needed the reassurance of signs that he was attracted to her. Luckily Paul looked back at Katy, partly because he was attracted to her but mainly to avoid the burning gaze of Peter.

 

Now that Bulldog had as much of the attention as he thought possible, he began,

“To begin with,” clapping his hands, “does anyone know how to hold a pair of scissors?”  

Steve, confidently smirked, “I should bloody hope so mate,” pushing his youthful locks aside, to view Bulldog completely.

 

Fearing he’d been out-shone, Paul added, “Who doesn’t?”

 

Noticing the rivalry, Bulldog asserted, “You both don’t know, I bet.”

 

Sniggering broke out, and Sandra quickly offered a smile of approval in the direction of Steve, but he was, again, drawn to the boggy, more visibly hanging from James’ nose, he hadn’t seemed to notice.

 

Katy laughed, “It is a kind of silly question really.”

 

“Really?” asked bulldog, turning his irritated gaze to the nervous Katy.

Feeling the intensity of his gaze, Katy changed tact, “But I’m here to learn,” she added with a smile. Katy looked around to the group, not wishing to be the centre of attention, looked down to the, overweight, sweaty, Peter. She smiled, knowing he was less likely to consider this a green light for unwanted attention.

 

Peter smiled, but was more interested in talking to Paul, “Can I get a lift, after this?”

 

“Who you talking to?” interrupted Bulldog.

 

“Oh, I was talking…”

 

“…Yeah, why not, replied Paul.

 

“OK, who wants to show me how they use scissors?” started a now irritated Bulldog

 

“I will,” jumped in Steve.

 

“Well, show me then,” demanded Bulldog.

 

Steve took the scissors from Bulldog’s grasp. Sandra took the opportunity to look at Steve’s back side. James spotted this and, although he had no particular interest in Sandra, he felt a twinge of rejection, she didn’t look at his back side that way.

 

“Thanks mate, for giving me the lift, it will…”

 

“Shut up!” yelled Bulldog, to Peter, who froze with fear.

 

“Idiot!” added Katy in a lower tone, grasping the opportunity to belittle someone she disliked.

 

“Right. Can we proceed?” Uttered an irritated Paul.

 

Bulldog looked back to Steve, declaring, “Wrong. You were holding them face up.” Bulldog sent Paul back to the group, asking, “Would anyone else like to show how clever they think they are?”

 

Peter stepped forward, took the blade in hand, “Wrong!” commanded Bulldog, turning Peter around immediately.  

 

Katy stepped forward and went to take the scissors from Bulldog, “Wrong, turn around and go back. Your hand was open.”

 

Sandra laughed, “Can you show us then? speaking for the group.

 

“Thank you, young lady,” sighed Bulldog, smiling round to the group. Turning the scissors around and clutched the blade end in his hands, before presenting the handle end towards Steve, “Can you try?” Steve hesitantly took the scissors with a slight shake in his hand, unsure if he was receiving the scissors in the correct manner. Sandra and James nodded towards Bulldog with educated confirmation when Bulldog exclaimed, “Is this the correct way to pass scissors?”

 

Silence descended, long enough to show they were still unsure of the answer. Finally, Steve guessed “I think so.”

 

“Well done, Steve.”  Concluded Bulldog. Sandra tried to catch the eye of Steve, hoping he’d smile back, but Steve’s good feeling was blunted, watching the boggy dangling further down James’ nose.

 

“Seems simple enough, can I try?” asked Paul.

 

“Sure,” said Bulldog, who got them all to hold the scissors in the correct way.

 

His public agreement only regained the attention of Peter, who missed the smile.

 

A look of rapprochement was offered by James, annoyed that Steve had regained his confidence. Katy noticed James’s look, reasoning even if they were friends Steve was taller and better looking so there was bound to be an element of resentment. Sandra noticed the look as well, yet felt sorry for Paul, who she knew lacked Steve’s confidence and looks.

 

Bulldog then went about giving a full and detailed demonstration of how to use the pair of scissors to cut a piece of paper.  An event so long, that most were day-dreaming when he turned to say, “Got it?”

Then he moved on to a bit of card board, explaining extra pressure was needed because of the cardboards thickness, then through a piece of string and finally to cut through a piece of laminated card. It would insult the reader to go in to any more depth than that, other than to say that Bulldog did stress the importance of aiming the sharper end of the scissors away from the body as much as conveniently possible. James and Peter rolled their eyes upwards in disbelief, while Paul rolled his eyes towards the clock instead of anywhere near Peter and Steve who seemed to pay too much attention to the demonstration, fearing they may they asked to replicate what they’d seen, aware he had a short attention span. Katy was wondering if she’d accept that date from the guy she met on the singles website the other night, or go with her instinct that told her he was just after sex and as he wasn’t that good looking. Sandra was making feeble attempts to nod along with Bulldog’s demonstration in the hope it might be noticed by Steve, who seemed to take a significant interest all of a sudden.  

 

Once Bulldog was satisfied he’d given a satisfactory demonstration, he asked, “is everyone happy with what they’ve seen?” A nod of weary heads accompanied under enthused agreement, so Bulldog proceeded, “one last thing then, how do we put the scissors safely away when we’ve finished with them?” He placed emphasis on the word safely but Steve was a little upset as he had put a lot of effort in to watching the use of the scissors, realising he wasn’t going to be asked to copy Bulldog. This meant he wasn’t ready to jump at the chance of showing how to put the scissors away but Paul was.

 

Aware that Steve had failed to take the lead, Paul stepped forward and took the scissors correctly from Bulldog’s hand, to the amusement of James and Peter while Katy smirked at the challenge this must have been to Steve’s pride. Sandra watched Bulldog chewing and for the first time realised there was nothing in his mouth to chew on. Paul asked Bulldog “Where do you want the scissors put away?” with an air of confidence.

 

Bulldog clapped in recognition, “Good supplementary question to ask James…”

 

“…the name’s Paul” Paul interrupted.

 

Bulldog frowned, “It really doesn’t matter about that, just that you learn how to use the scissors.” Paul sank back, realising he looked as though he was desperate for the recognition. Bulldog took the scissors - correctly - from Paul and handed them to James, explaining “I want them placed on the table behind me James, how do you do this?”

 

“Not a good idea,” murmured Steve.

 

Unfortunately, just as James was taking the scissors from Bulldog, his boggy fell from his nose on to the pair of scissors in Bulldog’s hand. James’ moment in the spotlight of the group was now ruined by his unwanted nasal discharge. James looked at Steve for support, but he briefly looked back with a helpless gaze so James had to look back at Bulldog.

 

Bulldog was furious; “You dirty, little retch!” he screamed. Sandra produced a cleansing wipe and handed it to Bulldog, but Katy, Peter and Paul were too preoccupied by the humour of the event to have thought of something else, while Steve said to James “I knew that was going to happen…”

 

Bulldog thought Steve was talking to him, “Then why didn’t you warn me?” he snapped as he took the cleansing wipe from Sandra “…Thank you Katy… at least someone was smart enough to show some responsibility in the situation.”

 

Steve felt somewhat deflated, brushing his healthy locks of hair aside in embarrassment. Noticing this fall from grace, Sandra didn’t think he looked so attractive, and Sandra, although irritated by it, was a bit too smart to correct Bulldog about who had handed the cleansing wipe. Katy was delighted she’d been accredited with an act of aid while finding fresh humour in Steve’s stupidity and aware she’d done nothing of worth. Peter looked at Paul, who for the first time looked back but was so worried about the contact of eyes between the two might mean he decided to take drastic action, declaring “I’ll show how to put the scissors away.”

 

Bulldog was having none of this, snapping “You’re too busy laughing at others misfortune, no we’ll pick on…” He turned his finger around the group of shifty-eyed faces and finally landed on Peter, “…How long have you worked here Peter?”

 

Peter shuffled his feet in fear, “Ah… I think five years Bulldog” he hesitantly.

 

“What the hell did you call me?” Bulldog bellowed.

 

Everyone knew he wasn’t actually called Bulldog and Bulldog knew people called him that behind his back, but Peter had panicked, revealing the well-known name publicly. The only one who didn’t snigger at the event was Katy as she didn’t know Bulldog wasn’t his actual name all along. Peter shrank back as Bulldog scoured at him, only slowly moving his furious face to Katy and asking “As you’re the only one not sniggering like a child, can you help show this lot how to put the scissors away?”  After Katy took the scissors from Bulldog, she remembered that her mother used to place scissors in a draw and never left them on the side board where she and her twin sister would get hold of them. This she did to the applause of Bulldog and gradual applause of everyone else.  

 

After laboriously making everyone cop the correct method of Katy, to be sure they’d learnt from her actions, Bulldog was satisfied they could be awarded the certificate of competence with scissors. Katy was held up as the perfect student to the irritation of Sandra who knew she wasn’t that smart and must have guessed what to do, yet unsure just how Katy had achieved this fluke.

 

 

“Well done!” declared Bulldog, “Somehow, you all passed.”

 

All went about their business with a little more confident of their competence, while James regained his composure, if not his dignity, Paul did give Peter a lift home that evening, though he declined the invitation of a cup of coffee. Sandra has still to forgive Katy for stealing her thunder and has used social media to discredit her ever since. Steve is still considered attractive by most girls in the warehouse so has regained his sense of self-worth and Katy feels on top of the world as she knows she’s pretty and can now consider herself the most competent with a pair of scissors in her hand.

 

Bulldog got over publicly being called bulldog and as far as I know, all the workers returned to their duties and worked happily ever after.